Stands for “For The Win” in case you’re not up to date with the current abbreviation of the hipsters. (this goes especially to the YB Queen Mother cause she’s kinda old school hahahaha) Oh Ma, hipsters are young kids that stole your “back-in-the-days” styles/trends. You can spot them anywhere and they will make you feel like you’re just took a step back in time. Nah, I don’t have anything against hipsters. I’m just feeling a little bit snarky. That is all. So please don’t shun me from of your coffeeshops. My husband loves your overpriced curated coffees. hehehe
Ok back to why this post exists. This post is not about which set of mothers are the best and which side I’m choosing (although it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?). Not a pro and con list of being a working mom either. The choice on which road to take if you ever come to this junction, is entirely up to you. This is only the reasonings of why I choose to spend my 8 hours, 5 days a week away from the little buds. This is a reminder for myself because there will be at one point or another, I’ll question my choices and the decision I made. Especially on those bad days at work being away from my baby.
Number 1 – I’m a pro-choice. I choose to pay my bills. hahaha Well I’m not sitting on a pile of gold bars that I dont need to factor my personal expenditures when it comes to making a choice of going back to work or stay with baby girl at home and be the the dear darling wife that I am expected to be. I have bills I collected even before I got married. Like my car loan and my student loan. Can’t be expecting the husband to just pick it up once we were married, can I? Eh wait.. Can I? I don’t know. I would like to see myself as a modern wife (or in Queen M’s term – the lazy wife) who won’t cook or iron. I’m ok being that the kind of wife that balances the husband’s cheque books, make sure all insurances are paid for and files his income tax and zakat. I fusses more on good credit standing rather than a well ironed shirt. Plus he hardly wears shirts because he works with the hipsters where they wear tshirt and jeans all day errday and inhale popcorn caramel smokes anyway (he works in the advertising fyi and by smoking popcorn caramel.. I’m referring to Vaping. Gosh who are my readers here? Oh yeah… my mom. Just her.)
Numero Dos – I can’t stand being at home for too long. I had a taste of staying at home with baby girl during our confinement for two whole months and it was tough. I cried and clinged to my husband like there was no tomorrow. I coaxed him into bringing me out on a date once on the pretext of we had to go and update our passports. Yeah I went and watched the Avengers 2 in my confinement stockings and the cesarean scars was still fresh. I walked very slowwwwwwlyy though. Don’tcha worry, YB. (dah lepas… jangan marah.. janji tak buat lagi). And by third week, I was already driving around sending and picking the husband up from work. Majority of my highlights during those days at home were the fact that there’s a promise that I can go out even to do random chores. As long as I’m out.
Nombor Tiga – Encik Suami wasnt keen with the idea of me staying at home. Case and point of number 2. I went crazy and he doesn’t want me to be all up in his grill. Imagine I’ll be doing this for good? I’ll be crazy waiting for him to come home from work right on the dot. I did talk to him about the idea of me being a SAHM. His immediate response was a straight N and O. Which was kinda strange because he was raised by a SAHM and it worked out well.. ok, except his mom wasn’t a clingy wife and she has bunch of friends and activities up to these days and I have none of those. Oh yeah. Ok, I get your point, babe.
Four – I like earning my own money and I get my high on workloads and paperwork. Imagine if I’m a SAHM with no source of constant income except from the husband and an occasional freelance gigs. I wouldn’t be able to keep a car of my own which will bring us back to number 2 (again!). I want to be able to shop and spend money (whenever I have any left after the bill mountain is all sorted out at every end of the month) the way I want it with no question asked because it’s mine. I also acknowledge juggling stuff at home is way harder than at work. A lot more tiring too and it keeps on going. Stuff at the office are seasonal and you can see the ending to every project no matter how hard it is. So the choice is pretty much sets on stone with this one.
Ke lima – I was raised by a working mom herself. Although she did it way better. Did all the cooking, cleaning and the whole nine yard while climbing up the corporate ladder with little to no help at all. At one point in my life, she was away the entire 8 years, working overseas all on her own. Tough woman, I tell you. So it’s the same example that I want to set for baby girl and her future siblings. I want her to be able to see that I am an independent woman and I have my own free will to be anything I want and I can still be a mother to her.
So why can’t I excel at work and still be a good mother? I know it’s going to be hard (whichever road I chose to take). But (in my mind) at least with working and a good few hours spent outside being my own person will keep my sanity at bay. That way, everyone will be happy. This doesn’t mean I don’t love and miss my baby. I miss her terribly, every second that I’m away from her. I’m always on #workingmomsguilt. Why do you think I’m still breastfeeding my 16 month old tods and still pumping at work? My breast-pump (which by the way is a single electric pump from Avent) is what I can safe to claim as my best friend for now. I have been using it religiously for the past 16 months and i don’t know if I’m stopping any time soon. Yes! Breast pumping feels like a religion right now! Uggghhh The devotion it took me! I’m not even kidding.
So, Bahijah. When one of those mornings came and you find yourself looking at that angelic face sleeping beside you and you began to wonder if it’s a good idea to quit and just stay at home and be the mother that bakes shits, just remember this….
You’re bad at baking. Get up and go to work!
And to the other mothers… no matter if you’re a SAHM, WAHM, FTWM or whatever other acronym hell they tend to label us with as moms, it’s gonna be tough and it’s gonna be for a very long time. So, Good luck!